Growing Groups Strong

1. Less is More – Prepare…but not too much. Pull together only HALF as much as you think you’ll have time to go through in a single gathering. Generally, facilitators with LESS material on hand to go through find themselves more open to the conversation going new and different directions. Conversely, facilitators with MORE material prepared to cover experience more pressure to progress through it. You want to be time-conscious, but not too ambitious about what can be achieved during a highly-relational 60-90 minute meeting.
2. Point to the destination…but don’t give too much direction on how to get there. Think of ONE thing you’d like for your group participants to walk away with. What do you hope they’ll learn or feel as a result of your study and discussion? For example, “I hope each person will learn in a deeper way that Jesus is with him or her every moment of every day and therefore will experience more of His peace in their daily life.” What matters in the study time is not how much ground you cover as it is how much transformation happens within members’ hearts. This can happen through study content, but more often, it occurs through Spirit-led person-to-person interaction.
3. Guide, don’t direct – Be flexible with the “agenda” and avoid over-facilitation. Trust the Lord with how the study and conversation flows. The tendency is the more a facilitator speaks, the less responsive people get. The response ratios to the right measure how the number of people in a group affects individual participation. It’s good to be aware of these ‘interpersonal laws’ because they can prompt you to know how to encourage greater interactivity, which results in more energetic and fruitful conversation. Besides, following the other ‘simple rules’ shared in this section compresses these response ratio results.
4. Recap and Refocus – Share what the group accomplished together and a basic plan for your next gathering. This instills a since of accomplishment and purpose for group members. It shows them that you have a plan and you’re all going somewhere together. This simple practice boosts participants’ commitment and brings more focus to the course of your study overall.
5. Don’t meet up to the last minute – Give people time to unwind and socialize toward the end of each gathering; it’s a simple way to foster unity and inclusion in the group. This is more likely to create a positive conclusion for everyone, which will leave them with an increased desire to come back for more. In other words, end on a high note! This also ensures all participants, particularly those who have to get home for the sake of their kids or the next-day’s schedule, can do so without stress and enjoy the company of the whole group.

There are so many things that compete for people’s time in our culture – most people have too much to do and too much to manage. One of the most important things you can do as a group leader is to establish a common purpose.

Here is some practical guidance on how to lead through the effects that our busy culture has on groups. First, have a heart-to-heart meeting where you…

• Review your group’s journey so far and re-cast the vision of biblical community for the group
• Ask each person to share what they want to get out of the group: What would continue to make involvement in the group something that’s “valuable” to them?
• Identify the common denominator with what each person shared so that you can create a common purpose
• Decide with the group on how you can arrive at this common purpose even if it means changing what you’re doing now
• Involve each person in fulfilling this common purpose – give each person a way to contribute
• Follow-up with participants who don’t show for a gathering. This shows care and tells them they were missed. It also encourages their future return.

Summary

1. Clarification: What does each person hope for?
2. Consolidation: Bring together people’s dreams & desires into an all-encompassing statement. (Remember to facilitate the process and invite the group to help – don’t try to do it alone.)
3. Consensus: Agree on how you’ll pursue your newly-fashioned “group mission statement.” Everyone is a stakeholder and should let their voice be heard in the design of your group’s plan for growing together.

Food is the best ice-breaker. It seems to have the same effects that we like to get from ice-breakers like helping people engage in conversation, feel more at ease, and bonus…it fills tummies, which makes everyone feel more content! I think that’s why it’s been said that the quickest way to a person’s spirit is through their stomach!

Eating together is a vital part of your group life. There is something about gathering around a meal that knits the hearts of people together. In fact, sharing a meal is one of the most profound physical expressions of our life together in Jesus Christ. Some of the most significant events in the Bible center around food (1 Corinthians 11:17-34; Mark 14:22-25; John 13:1; Acts 2:42-47). Repeatedly, we see the early believers making food an integral part of their worship and community life together (Acts 2:42, 46, 20:7, 11). For example, the Lord’s Supper was meant to be just that…a supper!

The way that Communion (or Eucharist, meaning “Thanksgiving”) was celebrated in the Early Church was by sharing a meal together, usually in the evening (Luke 14:12; John 13:4, 21:20). The setting of the Lord’s Supper, even in the larger gatherings, was always the home (cf. Romans 16:23; Acts 20:7). Similarly, we ought to give thanks and remember our Lord Jesus Christ when we gather and share a meal with one another.

Make it a goal with your group to celebrate the Lord’s Supper once a season / semester. There are many creative ways to do this in your group and you can look to Matthew 26:26-29, Mark 14:22-25, Luke 22:14-20, John 13-17, and 1 Corinthians 11:23-26 for guidance on what to say and do during this time together so choose the one below that resonates the most with you and run with it!

• Have everyone stand in a circle. Take a whole loaf of bread, break off a piece, and hand it to the person on your right. As you hand it to them, say a prayer for them, bless them, and/or give thanks to God for them. Then that person does the same for the person standing to their right, and so on, until it comes back to you. Then take a drink together in remembrance of the Lord. Afterwards, pray or worship the Lord Jesus giving thanks for His birth, life, death and resurrection.
• Celebrate the Lord’s Supper in a public place (like a nearby park or outdoor eating area) because it is a way of sharing the Good News about Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:26).
• Invite group members to facilitate the celebration of the Lord’s Supper as a way to empower them in using their gifts to build up the Body of Christ.
• Set aside a meeting to talk about the Lord’s Supper and what it means. Talk about how your group could express the meaning of the Lord’s Supper in acts of love for one another and those outside the group (1 John 3:16). Then celebrate the meal together.
• Have a potluck meal and convert it into a celebration of the Lord’s Supper. At some point during the meal, ask everyone to pause for a short devotion and listen to a scripture reading that focuses on Jesus’ death and resurrection. Afterwards, say a prayer of thanksgiving to God for His sacrifice and love (John 3:16).

Now if you’re like me, steps on what to do and say might be just the help you need to get started so here’s a suggested order:

1. Read 1 Corinthians 11:23-26 and choose to read one of the Gospel accounts: Matthew 26:26-29, Mark 14:22-25 or Luke 22:14-20. You can use this as your own personal devotion or draw from these passages for what you share on the front or tail end of this time together.
2. Thank God in prayer for His love, sacrifice and forgiveness.
3. Pass the bread and remind everyone how it represents Jesus’ body broken on their behalf and say, “Jesus said, ‘Do this in remembrance of me.’ Let’s eat together.”
4. Pass the cup reminding everyone how it represents Jesus’ blood shed for them and say, “In the same way, after supper Jesus took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ Let’s drink together.”
5. Finish with a prayer of thanks to the Lord or listen to a song where you all reflect on Christ’s once-and-for-all sacrifice.

Don’t miss out on this transformational experience that God will use to build the bond between your group members, deepen your relationship with Him, and share His selfless love with others!

You can share the following tips with Group Hosts or new Group Leaders who can use them every week to generate conversation and build community:

Include fellowship time on the front and tail end of your meeting time and when possible have food. Start and end on time. All these elements encourage conversation and build relationships.

Open your time in a brief word of prayer and help make participants aware of Jesus’ Presence in your midst (Mt 18:20).

Share 1-2 brief insights of your own to jump-start the conversation.

Relate what you’re discussing to Jesus by asking two questions:

• What does this teach us about Christ?
• How does God want me to respond to what I’ve just learned?

Be prepared to ask “open-ended” questions that will stimulate reflection and help move people toward action. These are questions that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” and often start with the words “what” or “how.” For example:

• What do the rest of you think? How do others feel?
• What did you find noteworthy about this passage?
• How can we move forward?
• What led you to that conclusion?

Questions you can use in EVERY bible study discussion:

• What stands out to you in this passage? What impacted you during the reading?
• Was there something read that’s new for you, reaffirming, confusing or challenging?
• How can we apply this to our lives today?
• How could this be shared with people who do not yet know Christ?

Be real. Be yourself. Authenticity is the key to helping others open up. Develop a dynamic where people feel safe to share and free to be themselves. For example, be the first to respond to a question and do so humbly and honestly.

Try to involve every person – acknowledge and affirm each person who speaks.

Turn people’s attention beyond your immediate circle by praying for the lost and encouraging them to invite friends to join you.

There is wisdom woven throughout the Scriptures on how to deal with conflict in ways that are healthy for individuals and groups. In the table below, you will find a selection of passages on how group leaders can “leverage” conflict to create an environment where biblical community can continue to grow:

Conflict is not something to rush into or to avoid. It can threaten to be a separator, but the Bible shows us how we can use it as a connector. It can be a “blessing in disguise” when we handle it with biblical wisdom. God, in His grace, gives us ways we can “use” conflict so that relationships grow in ways they would not have without it. In fact, conflict can be the very thing God uses to ‘draw-out’ authenticity and empower people to be more real with each other. It can be the key that allows us to experience the wholeness and life that comes with biblical community (Acts 2:42-47).

There are barriers we will invariably encounter as we grow in relationships with others. Sometimes conflict can be the “mountain pass” we are looking for to get on the other side of the ‘thing’ that seems to be blocking open and honest communication. Trying to go ‘around’ it only makes the journey more difficult even treacherous. Instead, we need to work through it. We need to use it as a pathway to something better for the whole group.

Conflict is not pleasant. Most people would rather do without it. But if it is life-changing Christian community that we want then we need to deal with conflict in love-filled and biblically-informed ways. Christian community is not a destination…it is a journey and conflict comes as we travel together. As a community-building leader, you can tell your group(s) that your goal is not to “keep the peace” but to travel with them through the occasional discord that comes with the transformational adventure of building biblical relationships.